Lawlady's Divorce and Relationship Blog

Lame Post, Skip this One!

I'm working from home more lately and I'm liking it alot.  I can weave between doing laundry and talking with clients;  or shopping and typing documents.  I think humans do better with variety and movement in the day.  Working from home provides me with this. 

I also like the efficiency of going to the office and having no distractions.  It's a change of pace if homelife becomes boring. 

I have little to say to the world this morning.  I'm back to the blogger dilemma:  is it better to blog when you have zip to say or wait until something is ready to burst? 

Life is so busy right now for me.  I'm an introverted person so I need copious amounts of time to process and reflect.  I'm also extremely extroverted, so my test scores on a Myers Briggs test put me right in the middle of the two teams. 

I'm hosting a party/networking event next week.  I love being alone. Writing gives me a sense of being alone.   It's here that I refresh and come up with new material and think through client situations. 

I've decided I am a daily blogger.  Just now.  As I was sitting around thinking I had nothing to say.  So in that spirit, I'm going to hold off posting this mediocre post until tomorrow morning (I'm ahead by one) and see if something else better doesn't come forward instead.  Otherwise, this will go live tomorrow at 10. I've decided 10 am is my favorite post time. So you can look for new material then. 

This is the year of being disciplined and brilliant, according to most Western astrologers. That's because Uranus the signs of inventions, the future, forward thinking, insights, clarity,  originality and authenticity is opposite Saturn the old man, hermit,  hard worker, leader, structure and order creator of the zodiac.   It's time to buckle down and do the work necessary to get our lives and world on track but its also the time to open up to cosmic good ideas.  The future meets the past. 

We need to adhere to structures, plans, strategies that keep our labors useful and purposeful.  Meanwhile we need to accept those brilliant insights that come our way showing clearly the easiest and most amazing path.  It's an exciting time to be alive.   A gynormous shift is occurring (look around and you'll see it everyone).  Be part of the adventure. 

Do you want Lawlady to be Red or Green?

I've been struggling with the Lawlady website.  Lavender and eucalyptus the color of 1990s spas and Lawlady Inc are, alas, out-of-date.  I want to do all sorts of crazy things like turn the logo into a giant red edifice.  Two months ago,  I was sure the new site would be herb green with black & white. 

Choices, choices, choices.

The world will drive us mad with choices.  Do you the reader and my future legal consumer really care if my site is red or green? 

I'll just want to turn it pink in a year anyway. 

We've become so disposable in our culture.  We can't stay happy with anything for very long. 

Maybe if I could adapt to fewer choices, I could settle down to fruits, vegetables and rice and rid my body of unwanted fat pounds.  Maybe you could eliminate 3 or 4 TV shows from your weekly line up and carve out time for romance with your wife.  Maybe he could stop pestering everybody at the office and settle down to get some (much needed) work done.

We all need to reign it in a bit.  Maybe just pick a stupid website color and move on. 

As my step-father used to say with such drama and annunciation, "Aaaagonizzzzeeee."   Shall we agonize less and just move on?

We've got compelling issues to deal with.  Daylights a wasting.   

American's Kick the Fat Habit and Spur Other Countries On... World Improved.

I'm still hung up about my fat neck at my recent photo shoot.  I was supposed to be on a diet and putting fitness and health at the top of my to-do list this year.  Had I stuck with the program, my photoshoot would have been a celebration of 4 months of hard work. Instead it was motivational:
Get Thee Back to Weight Watchers Honey!

With the Obama presidency and its focus on pulling our country out of trouble,  I'd love a national campaign promoting all of us "doing the hardest tasks" together.  Rather like the military, just different because we live in different homes.  If I knew you were hauling your butt out of bed early to study for your GMAT, or you were giving yourself hives restraining your viper-tongue and breaking your criticism habit, I might have more discipline with the chocolate bars and lunches out. 

They say that if everyone is in a similar circumstance, people feel happier.  I'd love a national campaign for self-improvement.  You all would remind me to try harder, run more, eat less, and do it with joy in my heart.  My hard work would spur you on. 

Wouldn't it be great?  Bill Boards, internet banner ads, 15 second radio bursts, all proclaiming:  America We Suck.  Get Our Ass in Gear and Improve Ourselves! 

I'd like to see the look on the face of the middle-east when the reality wave hits:  "You can't call us Fat Americans anymore!!"  Maybe our good progress might stir another country to improve something dislikeable about themselves.

When I speak about "fat" I'm speaking figuratively.  You might not have a problem with fat, but you've got something else to work on.  You have your version of fat.   

I apologize in advance to anyone who feels that I am being too harsh against fat people.  It isn't my intention to offend.   But really, my face would look MUCH better without this neck action.  

Old-fashioned Mastery

I had an exceptional photography experience with Lance Lusignan of Xavier Imaging.  I posted a call for photographers at 10 am. I wanted someone to come by my office at 5:00 and, for $40, take my headshot.  He showed up with a couple bags of camera equipment and lights, and took 300 pictures. 

As I told him, if it wasn't for my double chin and lumpy body, these would be amazing fashion shots-  they were lit so well.  

I upped his rate to $100, he was so professional. 

I've been thinking about "mastery" a lot lately.  For many years we heard the phrase "do what you love and the money will follow."  Many people I know dedicated their lives to turning their hobby turn into a money-maker only to ditch the concept later as unworkable. 

I think there is a slight variation to this theme:  Do exceptional work and the money will follow.  Now typically, if you love something you'll do great work, but that isn't always true.  Many people's version of "doing what you love" is finding some slothful lifestyle that feels great.  Doing what they love might include bouncing from experience to experience ensuring they  stay sort of mediocre at everything. 

Mastery is hanging in there until you get really good.   It's  making a good solid effort to put in a fabulous performance, even if all you are doing is a fast pick up job for $40- well below your normal rate.  

In our "changing" (read, retreating) economy, we are pushed to peer into the mirror and realize our mediocrity and our shine.   Now more than ever it's important to perfect our performance and repeat, repeat, repeat our practices to reach proficiency and beyond. 

I suspect the world needs us to hone our talents a bit more.  As a culture, we got glitter-eyed and demanding of recognition without the interest in years of devotion to an art, craft, skill or industry. 

I think it's time we return to a focus of honing ourselves to  master level, in whatever we choose to do.

Like Lance.    

Job Hunting on Craig's List

I'm a big fan of Craig's list. I post for small jobs all the time. I learned the idea from my career counselor friend.  I want to hire someone to help me unpack boxes and organize myself.  In four hours I've had 25+ excellent candidates.

Here is the dilemma:  how do you choose from such a wellspring of good people?  Do I hire the south American attorney who can't find legal work but is also super organized?  Making a lawyer connection is probably a good thing for her.  Or, the homosexual candidate who tells me "tidiness and good taste is encoded into (his)  DNA-- being a gay man and all."   Then there are the handful of cheerful gals, eager to make the task upbeat.  And then the few women with years of professional experience in the housekeeping industry.  Don't get me started on the sweet kids who live close by and desire to do a really good job. 

I love the honesty and self-revelations by the candidates.  If you were a voyeristic type person, you might want to post job ads just to see what people are up to with their lives. 

I'm sorry I can't hire them all.  I'm sad that our world is such that so many people need work.  We've got to figure out this sustainable living model sooner rather than later.  We can have an amazing planet if we just get together and start making smart choices about our labors and reward system. 

I think I'm going with the gal that is good with the getting the gunky stuff off.   For obvious reasons.

Another Craig's List Reponse

Hello Sir,

 

My name is XXX, my intentions are to build a relationship of ultimate satisfaction for my clients. Let me facilitate your lawn, you will be very much pleased.  You may respond via email at XXX.  Thank you!

 

Sincerely,

XXX

The Speed of the Modern Life

I'm a very proud woman-- well, that is when I'm not being a depressed, disappointed, dissing one.  

Being super proud (read, arogant!), gets me into facial contortions that read bitchy when I don't get my way. I'm so eye-on-the prize, it's like riding a very fast motorcycle up the winding forested road to the grocery store. The sound track is classic rock and roll.  Incessant. Get there. Go. Ride faster.  Move it.  Don't stop. Keep it up. Don't stop. You can do it. Just pup yourself up, get out there, don't stop.................................................................

When

will

it 

stop?!!!!!

We already have more than everyone else on the planet. When will we tell ourselves to stop.  

Enough 

is

enough.

We've had enough. 

Now for what we want.

Osho says that "you get what you want when you had enough of what you don't want."

Do we know what we don't want anymore?  (That's a future blog.) 

I Institute the Cultural War of Improved Social Skills

Powerful times right now, astrologically speaking.  If you disbelieve then I ask you, are these powerful times in your life or for the world?  Maybe what is important is that we all agree that things feel rough.  The planet is suffering from a bit too much modernization and could use a step back in gas emissions, and other causes of global warming.  Maybe we should all be focusing on finding solutions to sustainable living.  Do we really need to throw out so many computer parts and other debris of advanced civilization? 

On my personal wish list is a cultural war of peace on the middle east and at home.  As Americans we made coke, McDonald's hamburgers and movies household worlds just about everywhere in the world.  Couldn't we also export beneficial psychological and social principles as well?  What about, "When you feel angry, use 'I' statements!"  Or, "When you want to kill the other person, maybe what you are feeling is a projection and you do some things that aren't nice too." 

Ken Wilbur, the social philosopher, says we are always evolving and everyone is at a personal edge.  I'd like to see all those Oprah-and-Dr. Phil-watching-people ship oversees the knowledge they have been accumulating for decades.  "Hey Terrorists, I hear you are hurting.  I hear you don't like our way of living.  If I were in your shoes, I can imagine myself feeling angry too.... When I'm angry, I like to look underneath the anger to find the hurt.  Do you hurt?...."

Politicians too could learn a few things.   In collaborative law we learn how to start up a meeting putting an issue on the white-board.  "Today we want to find a win/win resolution to _________."   The group fills in what they want to work on next.  They assume there is a win/win outcome and roll up their sleeves willing to contribute their unique gifts and skills to make it happen.   It's assumed everyone has something valuable to contribute, and all concerns are legitimate concerns.  When the option of fighting is taken away, that's when the creative juices flow and people find the new, and formerly hidden, way out of the problem.   

My voice sounded hokey or canned to me as I typed this last paragraph.  As if I've said those words a few too many times. 

That's my dilemma tonight.  Big things are in the air. We are called to be our best right now.  Am I being my best? 

Would the world be better served if I got out of this lovely office house at 68th and Roosevelt and hit the road to report on things I see and cross pollinate ideas across many different segments of the population?  Do I get married and move to a smaller town and teach college?    Is leading the wonderful Kithe meeting this morning pushing other lawyers to collaborative excellence enough contribution, and the best donation of my gifts and skills to the collective good?

Do we hunker down here at Lawlady Inc for the long haul, and work on the next phase of expansion into low-income client services. That who has been calling us lately seeking advice.  People who can't pay much with serious conflicts.  I imagined a legal clinic way back in 1997 when I first thought of the brand.  Is now the time for that?

Are you thinking things like this tonight?  I tell you somethings in the air over here.  Are you breathing the same air?

Many blessings to our troops oversees.  Particularly Officer McCaffrey.   I miss you.   

Rotary's Four-Way Test for an Excellent Life

Here is some language to ponder, taken from the Rotary International website. 

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?

3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?"

In 1932, Rotarian Herbert J. Taylor who would later serve as the group's president, outlined the "four-way test" as a guide to ethical standards for professionals in their work lives.  I think this is an excellent policy for anyone to live by. 

Valentine Sentiments 2007

Happy Valentine's Day 2007.

I just talked a client off the ledge of telling his wife he wanted a divorce tonight after work.  "Do you want a fork in the eye at dinner?"  I asked.  "She is a hot-headed woman," he replied.  "Valentine's Day is a bad day to announce divorce," I advised. 

He's decided to wait a week.

Meanwhile, we hosted a client lunch today at Lawlady Inc and presented our eligible bachelor of the year award.  I'll reserve telling his name here, to protect his privacy, but when possible we ladies at Lawlady Inc like to help foster new love along. We actually toy with the idea of starting a second branch of Lawlady Inc.   The dating segment of our practice.  Our motto:  we get you in, we get you out.

Valentine's day is an anecdote for divorce.  Too much divorce can result in a jaded attitude toward love.  I know it is hard for a divorcing person to hold on to the idea that love cures and makes life worth living for.  It's easy to fall into the mental trap that love is an accident waiting to happen.  With break up and divorce, it is easy to think of love and marriage as a hollow promise. 

_________

I am curious about the origins of Valentine's Day.  I see shades of Valentine's day in the more ancient Celtic/pagan tradition of Imbolc, traditionally celebrated on February 1 honoring the return to light and Brigid, the Goddess of healing, poetry and smithcraft (working with metal).  What does healing, poetry and metal work have in common?  I can see the relationship of poetry and healing to Valentine's Day.  Secret admirers, friends letting you know they care, romantic love given poetic voice. Those are things of traditional Hallmark Valentine's day.  But ironwork?  A grill for your front gate?   

Wikipedia speculates ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day) that the origin of the Valentine's day holiday is related to the law courts for the rituals of courtly love.   According to that on-line dictionary,

a 'High Court of Love' was established in Paris on Valentine's Day in 1400. The court dealt with love contracts, betrayals, and violence against women. Judges were selected by women on the basis of a poetry reading.

The earliest surviving valentine dates from 1415. It is a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife. At the time, the duke was being held in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt.

It is probable that the various legends about St. Valentine were invented during this period. Among these legends:

• On the evening before Valentine was to be martyred for being a Christian, he passed a love note to his jailer's daughter that read, "From your Valentine."
• During a ban on marriages of Roman soldiers by the Emperor Claudius II, St. Valentine secretly helped arrange marriages.

Somewhere lodged in my brain (which makes me believe I heard it somewhere, sometime) is the idea that in older agricultural times (possibly in Celtic areas) February was the time of year when weddings occurred.  The season was dark. Not much was going on. The planting season had yet to begin.  It was a time sweetened with the promise of new love.  Families, less stressed with work, could prepare and celebrate a wedding.  February 14th would have been a typical day for marriage.  A good day to celebrate love.

I still believe it is... 700 divorces later.  The promise divorce gives you is that you will love again.  Through divorce you create more room to love someone else-  better, deeper and richer.  Therapist Jeff Shushan says that a law of human relationships is that your next relationship will always surpass your former ones in terms of maturity, integrity and quality. You get a new relationship equal or better to the one you last left.  You know more now and hence you can go deeper into commitment and relationship than you did before.  Your capacity for intimacy has been honed by the previous relationship. 

So, for those of you who are divorced, divorcing or caught in a relationship that feels stifling this Valentine's day, you can still celebrate love. You can celebrate it's amazing power to flow regardless of external circumstances and it's ability to expand your heart's capacity for good, if you will simply acknowledge this river of emotion that flows through your heart without effort. 

On Valentine's day if you don't have a particular romantic  partner, you can still practice the art of caring by connecting to an inner urge for compassion and then acting in that impulse.  Allow yourself to have a crush on someone.   Foster a secret dream.  Notice what attracts you and take a step forward to it.  We can all smile and radiate an essential quality from our core that respects others and shines a hopeful attitude into the world.  Beaming good vibes (to quote 1960s language) is the equivalent to sending an anonymous valentine to the world.  What you give, comes back to you. 

Happy heart day to you. 

If you don't like this day; don't like cake, chocolates and mushy blog entries, you too can celebrate the tradition:  Be thankful you aren't getting divorced and your spouse has hired the best attorney in town.  We know that can mean.