Lawlady's Divorce and Relationship Blog

Wedding Professionals Take Themselves Very Seriously

I was surfing bride sites. It's a new marketing angle we are working on to develop our prenuptial agreement work.  Prenups are the divorce attorneys anecdote to divorce industry burnout. 

While on line, I stumbled across Bridesclub.com.  Guess what?  There is something called the Wedding MBA convention (it just held it's fourth annual event) and the Wedding Merchants Business Academy.  Check out Bridesclub.com for the scoop.   This is a serious industry.   

Curiously, the site lists a slew of vendors, but no prenuptial service providers. My question is why is it that the bride industry focuses on the merriment and not the serious parts of marriage?

Disney Divorce: Collaborative Law Hits the Big Time

The Associated Press reports that Roy Disney, who recently filed for divorce after 52-years of marriage, plans to divorce in the collaborative law style.  See the Mercury News for the article.
Roy Disney is the nephew of founder of Disneyland and is a major shareholder of the company.

If Collaborative Law is the right choice for this person, does that give you confidence it's the right choice for you?
 

Divorce Dollar Values

A reporter called me today to interview me about collaborative practice.  "Is it necessary?  Can't you just use the forms off the internet?"

Great question. 

Divorce attorneys would be out of business if every family entered the divorce process with such courtesy and cooperativeness.  But many divorces occur right as the man and woman are at very bitter, angry, untrustworthy, uncertain, fearful, resentful, revengeful, hateful, insecure, (fill in the blank) times in life.  Sometimes people can't get out of the relationship without lots of assistance.  Think of collaborative law in those situations as the rescue squad that arrives to help you get out of the car-wreck of your marriage.  As with a 9-1-1 intervention, it may take many different professionals with many different tools to perform a perfect response.  Jaws-of-Life.  A medic.  Someone with a blanket, and of course someone to fill in the forms and document the damage. 

The team approach  in CL provides couples with the maximum benefit for their divorce dollars.  Yes, you need to budget for divorce.  If you are lucky, you pay a filing fee and do the paperwork for free off the internet.  Maybe you incur the cost of a flat fee service for $2,000.  But for many families, whether you choose mediation, collaboration or court-intervention, you may pay  over $15,000 to divorce.  In unlucky situations, you could be paying $50,000 to $100,000 to retrack your " I do." 

With collaborative practice your divorce dollars might be spent as follows:

        1.  $5,000 to two divorce attorneys for $10,000 total.   Benefits are peace of mind, peaceful process, good paperwork and legal advice.

        2.  $2,500 for a divorce financial plan that let's you know you will both be OK and maximizes your chance of discovering hidden wealth or value.  A tax savings, a debt repayment plan the reduces interest payments, a college pre-payment option you didn't know existed, a clever way to extract 401K benefits to get cash, a property division that allows each of you to live just the way you want to live.

        3.  Vocational specialist for $2,000 to get that lazy$#!@$ spouse back to work, despite the depression and the comfy couch.   

        4.  A child advocate to discover what those hard-to-read teens really want in the parenting arrangements.  $1,500.

        5.  And don't forget, 6 to 8 sessions at $150 an hour with a divorce counselor to take the sting out of the resentment, hurt, or other emotion that left unchecked could results in hours of extra attorney time spent putting out fires.  Fires get flamed in divorce from minor incidents like missed pick-up times with the kids or a late mortgage payment.  These are the annoying behaviors that send litigating couples back to the court-room for emergency court orders.

    $17,000 total.  That's a lot of benefit for your divorce dollars. 

    Compare these figures to a litigation file.  $2,000 for the first party to hire an attorney and file for a temporary motion.  $1,500 for the other to respond.  $1000 for the lawyers to request documents.  $1,000 each to review the responses.  $4,000 for two experts to tell one another how wrong the other expert is about the other's  financial evaluation.  $3,000 in letters between the lawyers.  It might be four or five months into the case with no settlement offers having been exchanged.  Possibly offers won't occur until  mediation ($2,000 each side to prepare) which means  five hours   a combined hourly rate of $700, for a whopping $3,500 morning. And you still might not be settled.   All for roughly the same price as the collaborative case. 

Does it seem you get more value for divorce dollars spent with collaborative law? 

    

   

The Top Reasons for Divorce-- From a Lawyer's Perspective

I promised some information on do-it-yourself law degrees in Washington.  It isn't going to happen tonight.  The day was too crazy. 

We had an employee birthday party and I was running so far behind, I came after soup and salad was served, and left before the birthday gal opened her cards.  I never finished my cake.  In fact, I never finished my soup!

I love this time of year.  The bride-movement starts about now for all the engagements created in December.  For newly engaged people, the press is on to complete the planning for summer weddings. 

I like to counter divorce work with prenuptial work.  Sometimes I think that the best service I can do as a divorce attorney is to share the message of why people divorce.  I know that therapists write books and explain the psychological reasoning.   Divorce attorneys aren't as knowledgeable, may not have the fancy language, but we do have a perspective that seems sensible and clear. 

People divorce for these types of reasons:

• They don't agree on finances, never talked about it before marriage, and never solved the manner of handling money after marriage. 
• They got themselves into an uncomfortable financial situation in the process of being married.
• They stopped talking.  Then they stopped having sex.
• He or she started having sex with someone else.
• Someone became gay after the fact.  (Solution?  Try the other sex in advance?)
• Kids/work/odd hobbies.  No time for being married.
• TV, drugs or alcohol.
• No exercise.
• The slow demise into slothful living signifying depression without treatment.  Or, no treatment for other noticeable mental health issues, despite their spouses insistence therapy is needed.
• Basic lack of understanding that marriage is tough and  sometimes the situation isn't fun or enjoyable.
• Failure to re-enlist for another tour of duty each time the couple is called upon to go deeper and take their relationship to the next level of intimacy and love.  Especially at the three and seven year marks. 

Those are the top reasons I see in my profession for failed marriages.  Did I forget any?

Give Yourself Your Law Degree, Save Money

I had begun to think that I wouldn't write on the blog again. It's been sooooo long.  You could say I've been busy. 

Mostly the truth is I get tired of one medium and move to another.  I've been painting walls lately at the office.  We've changed colors from dusty rose beige to fresh blue. I swear the energy of the office feels fresher.  The cling from divorce grunge doesn't hang around the office so much. 

OK-- Let's talk some law.  Are you aware that you can be self-taught a law degree in Washington?  It's an apprenticeship program available in Washington.  I'll have Lennie my assistant write and update you about it.  In the meantime, here's a link if you are planning to go to law school and want to learn more about it. 

OK-- The state of Washington must not want you to go this route.  It's impossible to find (at least quickly.)

Alright. Easy does it. Let's see if I can get back here again.  In the meantime, I'll have Lennie, my paralegal, find out more information about the apprenticeship law program and get back to you.