Lawlady's Divorce Blog

Prenuptial Agreements On the Rise in Seattle

This is an informal survey based on my limited view as a practicing family attorney... but I do believe that people in their 20s and 30s are entering prenuptial agreements more than their predecessors (at least in Seattle).  They are generations that grew up with prevalent divorce.  People in their 40s and above had parents willing to stay married for the kids. 

These younger folks are savvier (and  possibly more scared).  They've seen more horror divorce stories.  They've heard about prenups;  they've heard the concept that you need to protect yourself; and they are less certain the marriage will last a life time.  This mirrors the concept Oprah promoted a few years ago about "starter marriages."  With reduced stigma around divorce, couples may be willing to take the marital plunge with less commitment and certainty... hence the need for a prenuptial.

If you don't know how your fiance will handle the credit card; or how that business venture is going to turn out; or, if you come into marriage with significant assets, or plan to inherit them, these are all good reasons to consider getting a prenuptial agreement.  People with children from a prior marriage are also prime candidates for a prenuptial agreement.

The funny thing is that by drafting a prenuptial agreement you are often showing a lack of  confidence in the legal system and family laws. You are possibly agreeing to terms that contravene the standard practices in the state.  Often these agreements  are done so as to protect the wealthier or more financially responsible spouse. It's as if couples are saying, "I don't want to completely merge as a financial team with you. I'd rather travel life as a more financially independent entity." 

My guess is that with the threat of divorce looming so large in the future, people are giving a more qualified "I do."   On the flip side, the task of entering a prenuptial agreement can often bring core issues to the surface.  "What is appropriate credit card usage?  Do you work as hard as I think you should work?  How much is a reasonable amount to spend on a treat?  Do you consider my on-line shopping to border on addiction?  What is fair game to spend on a purchase without telling me?  Do you believe in raiding the 401K plan?  What is the minimum we will keep in the check book?  Is it OK to quit a job without a new job lined up?  What if I want to go back to school?  Will you support me during a career transition?  Do we want to be poor and in love or rich and successful? "   This list goes on.   

As much as couples may hate to start the tender conversation about money.  Going to a prenuptial attorney for an agreement can being the talk.  In the process of coming to agreements for the prenuptial document, you will be coming to agreements that will smooth the road of your relationship.  In this way, prenuptial agreements can be very healthy and very marriage-enhancing.  Seen from this angle, the younger generation is doing marriage smarter: their increasing the chance that $2,000 15 page document never sees the light of day after it's tucked away. 

Aha.  I just did a quick web search to check out my hunch that prenuptial agreements are up.  DivorceNet.com just published a blog entry reporting that  in a "poll by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyer (AAML) members, 49% of the divorce attorneys cited an increase in postnuptial agreements during the past five years."    The article notes that  also rising in popularity are  postnuptial agreements after the couple has been married.  I would add that also up is the "living together contract" or "cohabitation agreement."    This provides safety and stability when doing something irrational like moving in together after knowing someone eight weeks. 

If you are in the market for a prenuptial agreement, consider my favorite clause:  "If we break up or divorce, we agree to use collaborative law, mediation or other amicable processes to resolve our conflict, unless their are emergency or safety issues." 

The Poor Person Prenup

If you don't have the money for a legal consult about a  prenuptial agreement, one thing you can do is to draft your own written and witnessed agreement.  Here are two things that at a minimum you can agree upon.  There are other things as well, but these are simple and you can do yourselves without an attorney. 

     1)  The emergency plan if things go poorly.  For example, "we agree we will go to counseling for at least eight sessions if things begin to head south, before either of us has decided to divorce."  Early intervention is the best prevention of divorce. Although this isn't exactly enforceable in a court of law, if a person has agreed to something in advance it increases the odds the person will act in accordance with his or her earlier agreement.   

    2.)  An agreement to use an amicable process, if divorce become inevitable, unless there are emergency or safety issues at stake. I recommend that you use the collaborative divorce process (a team approach with an agreement not to use the courts) or mediation.  Both of these methods are less threatening and support an friendlier resolution. 

It's important to discuss the "what ifs" before you marry.  Pretending that divorce won't happen to you is like avoiding self-breast exams because you don't think you are a likely candidate for cancer. It's a good habit to follow, even if your risks are very low.   

How you divorce is one of the most important joint decisions you will make in ending your marriage.  That's why it is  important to decide the process you will use before you begin negotiating.  The process is what will see you through the difficult times during the divorce when tensions flair and communication fails.   

Salve for Broken-Hearted Divorcing Man

For those of you who are depressed about the prospects of getting a divorce.  The hassle. The hate.  The horrible legal bills. 

You can be thankful you are not caught in a time warp shopping for Cake Coaches.  I've lifted this photo off of the delightful blog GodAwfulWeddingCrap.   Blogger Riona thanks  ChgoRed for pointing the way to GWC for Castle Cakes.

Divorce may hurt sometimes, but consider the hazzards of getting into marriage.  Your girlfriend wants a Cake Coach.  How much do these things cost?

Prenuptial Ad on Craig's List

Did you know that Craig's List has a section for services?  Wild.  It's got all sorts of lawyers, paralegals and on-line document prep services listed.  I've even been told that if you list your services on Craig's list it can help you gain ranking on search engines since web crawlers spent a lot of time hanging out there. 

Here's the ad for prenups I just posted. 

Do you know that you really should be negotiating your prenuptial agreement several months before the wedding? Prenups that are signed at the eve of the wedding are not as solid as ones signed months before the big event.

If you are curious if a prenup is right for you, call Lawlady.com to discuss your situation. Know what you are agreeing to before you sign that marriage contact. Typical prenuptial agreements can range from $250 to $2,250 in most cases. Take the fear out of "what if" as you prepare for your wedding.

Marketing shifts frequently.  You can't rely on old media and methods to get the message across.  You've to keep trying new things.  We'll see with the prenup ad.

LaPlant's Excellent Blogging Example

Check out the very nice photography site of  Jeff LaPlant.   Wedding photographer, although he might take other kinds of photos.  What is particularly interesting is to follow his blog.  He started one in 2004 with a simple entry that reads sort of like, "Well, everyone's got one. Here I go.  I'm not much of a conversationalist."  Then eventually he gets his blog-legs and starts to hone it down to a fairly consistent professional message.  I think his site is very strong and demonstrates Seth Godin's principle  that visitors want to see their topic of interest from all different angles, including the inside view from the professional.  What does the photographer, see, hear and notice?

Best Prenuptial Attorney In Seattle Contest

Hey Everybody,

Seattle Bride Magazine (which is beautiful by the way) is hosting a competition through February 15th.  Would you mind voting for me for best prenuptial agreement?  It's easy. You just log on, submit your contact information so they know you are a real person voting and then pick winners.  The prenuptial category is the "other " section at the bottom of the page. 

Thank you!!!  May cupid hit you  dead -on!!!

Wedding Professionals Take Themselves Very Seriously

I was surfing bride sites. It's a new marketing angle we are working on to develop our prenuptial agreement work.  Prenups are the divorce attorneys anecdote to divorce industry burnout. 

While on line, I stumbled across Bridesclub.com.  Guess what?  There is something called the Wedding MBA convention (it just held it's fourth annual event) and the Wedding Merchants Business Academy.  Check out Bridesclub.com for the scoop.   This is a serious industry.   

Curiously, the site lists a slew of vendors, but no prenuptial service providers. My question is why is it that the bride industry focuses on the merriment and not the serious parts of marriage?

The Top Reasons for Divorce-- From a Lawyer's Perspective

I promised some information on do-it-yourself law degrees in Washington.  It isn't going to happen tonight.  The day was too crazy. 

We had an employee birthday party and I was running so far behind, I came after soup and salad was served, and left before the birthday gal opened her cards.  I never finished my cake.  In fact, I never finished my soup!

I love this time of year.  The bride-movement starts about now for all the engagements created in December.  For newly engaged people, the press is on to complete the planning for summer weddings. 

I like to counter divorce work with prenuptial work.  Sometimes I think that the best service I can do as a divorce attorney is to share the message of why people divorce.  I know that therapists write books and explain the psychological reasoning.   Divorce attorneys aren't as knowledgeable, may not have the fancy language, but we do have a perspective that seems sensible and clear. 

People divorce for these types of reasons:

• They don't agree on finances, never talked about it before marriage, and never solved the manner of handling money after marriage. 
• They got themselves into an uncomfortable financial situation in the process of being married.
• They stopped talking.  Then they stopped having sex.
• He or she started having sex with someone else.
• Someone became gay after the fact.  (Solution?  Try the other sex in advance?)
• Kids/work/odd hobbies.  No time for being married.
• TV, drugs or alcohol.
• No exercise.
• The slow demise into slothful living signifying depression without treatment.  Or, no treatment for other noticeable mental health issues, despite their spouses insistence therapy is needed.
• Basic lack of understanding that marriage is tough and  sometimes the situation isn't fun or enjoyable.
• Failure to re-enlist for another tour of duty each time the couple is called upon to go deeper and take their relationship to the next level of intimacy and love.  Especially at the three and seven year marks. 

Those are the top reasons I see in my profession for failed marriages.  Did I forget any?