Lawlady's Divorce Blog

Divorce Blog

If you like reading divorce blogs from people who have been through the experience, try Pat's Divorce Blog.  I particularly like her celebrity blog section. 

Where to Go for Divorce Comfort

Seattle Beginning Experience is a church-based all-volunteer divorce and grief support group that hosts twice a year weekend retreats for people who've lost a spouse through death or divorce. There are not many support services geared to the divorcing population, so this one is providing a much needed niche service.  The cost is $180 and this includes housing at the Gold Bar retreat center and five meals.  They also include a class series as well, if a weekend retreat is not for you.

If this church organization is not your cup of tea, Center For Spiritual Living offers a grief and loss support group and a difficult relationship support group (which can include divorce). 

Divorce Litigants Go Too Far

                   The Blog Mommy Go Bye-Bye  comments today about a Virginia family attorney who-- get this-- threw a party at a church daycare on behalf of his client, an alledgely spouse-abusing father seeking custody of his son in order to garner the support of the daycare workers.  Basically, he wanted the daycare staff  to testify against the child's mother and believed that plying them with food and beverages would help endear his client and the legal matter to them enough so that they would show up to court to testify.  I'm paraphrasing the article.

I'm assuming that this wasn't a genuine, heart-felt action by the righteous side in the divorce.  The way Mommy Go Bye-Bye sites the facts, it's a demonstration of unscrupulous litigant tactics at the expense of a small child. 

Some attorneys treat litigation as war and will push the envelope hard to win what the client is requesting.  That's why the collaborative model can be so much more effective.  How is a court to know the truth with battling experts and shaded truth?  If both parents are voluntarily relying on the same child advocate for input about parenting, they both are incentivized to show their best self and limit their criticisms of the other parent to legitimate concerns, since no parenting advocate is going to come in favorably on the side of a whiner, complainer, or venomous spouse. 

PS-- The mother's attorney should have hosted a fancy night out for the staff.   

Picking a Divorce Attorney (or mortgage lender)

This is a long blog entry.  Prepare yourself. 

I love talking shop with my buddy the mortgage broker (Chris Coggeshall-- Homestone Mortgage. Give him a call, 206-713-9580, the finest divorce mortgage specialist in the Puget Sound.  He's never not closed a loan on time, except my loan.  I can be a pissy, annoying customer.  I hate customers like me.  But he processed my "emotions" about  feeling vulnerable and exposed during the mortgage process, and turned me into a stark, raving fan.  If you need a mortgage, don't call anyone else or you are crazy, or know one hell of a good lender.  But I digress). 

So as I was saying.  I love talking shop with Chris.  Tonight after work we were talking about ... oh dear, I forgot what I was saying...  Oh yes,...  before the mini-commercial for Chris Coggeshall and Homestone, I was talking about divorce law artistry. 

As Chris said, "clients don't buy a legal result. They buy an attorney's service. They get a whole package and sometimes the work isn't perfect but it's a ballet in motion with many variables.  They buy the entire package of legal knowledge, gut instinct, passion for paperwork, sensitivity in a client session, good practical advice, business acumen, ethics and price.  The recipe varies with each professional.  It's wrong for a client to pick one aspect of your legal work and use that to evaluate your entire performance.  It's the entire event that you must be judged upon, not one aspect."  To put our conversation into perspective, we were talking about clients who are unhappy.  Typically they are forgetting the 9 other things you did that made them happy to focus on just one thing that didn't go so well. 

I like his  idea. I so often find fault with my own performance (I'm a ruthless critic of myself), forgetting all the things I did extraordinarily right. Take today for example. 

I was sitting in the final four-way where we settled the whole case.  I had a hunch we would settle so I had my paralegal start drafting the final papers so that we would be able to sign them before the meeting was over. I had her do a separation agreement with exhibits in the back, a very efficient way to type up the settlement.   Most of the language is boiler plate with a few places to fill in the blank. 

Here I was giving the client efficiency and a reduced legal bill by streamlining the process.  Then the other lawyer says, "A whole separation agreement?  Why not just  some exhibits attached to the back of a Decree?"  This is the way the elite family lawyers are handling non-maintenance settlements these days.  I like doing it the other way for a variety of reasons, but my way isn't wrong, it's just not the "cool" way to draft up the settlement at the moment in our industry. 

Then I felt flustered or annoyed inside.  I wasn't doing the paperwork like the elite family lawyers.  For a brief moment I was self-critical and embarrassed.   But why?!

Why would I wipe out all my good feelings about my performance during the morning (which was good)...and forget all the right moves I had made, to focus instead on this one less-than-superb choice? 

____ 

This blog is not about my self esteem or the quality of my work product.   The important point here is that with lawyers, you are getting a collection of qualities. What is important as a person looking to hire a lawyer  is that you know what you are getting.  What qualities?  What bundle of perks, benefits and price?

If you select me, or Lawlady Inc., you will get a bundle of skills, talents and proclivities that look something like this.

• Old fashioned customer service.   
• Stylish flair-- we like to wear black in winter, white in summer.   
• 100% focused psychic and emotional support if you need it.   
• 75% wisdom, unless I'm having a bad day, in which case, you get to share yours with me.
• An extremely fast pace, unless it's a day for meandering wisdom.
• An irreverent attitude about what the courts will do.   
• Fast paperwork if we choose to help you with a more litigated-oriented case.   
• Good humor.   
• Heavy reliance on email.
• Heavy customer-participation in your case to keep costs down, unless it's a flat fee.
• A very mindful eye on not overworking the case, in fact we may underwork it just a hair.
• A fabulous flat fee option with a nice treat for you at the end of your  case.
• Divorce ritual advice if you ask for it.
• Collaborative law services that have been honed over 7 years of training, arguably longe than most collaborative attorneys. 
• A heavier reliance on mediated and collaborative resolutions.
• A tendency to talk clients off the litigation ledge.
• Heavy involvement of allied professionals, but not litigation-oriented professionals.
• An extremely large database of excellent referrals and contacts that I share with you.
• Opinions that draw  from psychology, spirituality, marketing, organizational         development,  ritual and office efficiency principles.
• A profound optimism that hard times in life lead to good times in life.
• Family law practiced from an outsider's viewpoint looking in, although my years at the start of       my career at two large law firms give me a heightened since of how to provide good legal work.      
• A cavalier attitude to court rules. I'm one to try new strategies and take a novel approach.
• Beautiful court paperwork at times when we choose to rise to the occaision. 

Another lawyer's legal dance might look differently and it may be no better than mine. The question is all about fit.  What are you looking for?

If you want to know what a particular judge will do in a particular case, there are more educated minds than mine to answer that question.  I like the psychological drama and the subtlety of finding the win/win position more.  My legal practice is a more sophisticated practice of peace-making.  I'm not into the blunt practice of law.  There are  plenty of old-style litigation attorneys out there doing that.  We  serve legal divorce services with a philosophical flair and an attention to the underlying process at play.  I'm/we are modern, yet rooted in a very traditional legal upbringing.  My dad was a hard-core litigator and I grew up being forced to play Hearts against him for fun.  He NEVER let me win.  I ALWAYS hated to lose.

What you really want to know is how we dance as lawyers?  What do we do better and differently than any other lawyer?  Every lawyer has a special way.  Just like you as a client are unique and special. 

Just like Chris and mortgages.  You won't see him passing out the most business cards at a networking event.  He'd rather study the nuances of the deep clauses in the bottom of your mortgage contact so the deal always closes. My kind of  mortgage guy.   

It's all a dance.  Who do you want for your dance partner?  Pick the right one and the outcome is artistry.  Legal work done right is pure mind, body, spirit in motion.  Movement for your best interest. 

Scoble's Divorce Recommendation

Blog hero and cultural Icon Robert Scoble (that is his name right?!) wrote about divorce yesterday on his blog Scobleizer,  Evidently he was on Dr. Phil talking about his divorce experience  last night.

HOLD THE BUS.... I'm reading a blog entry from May 2004.  I assumed I was reading the first page of his blog and then thought it was weird his blog wouldn't let me leave a comment. 

Nonetheless, the blog entry is still important. He's  promoting an amicable way to divorce.  Scoble's advice:   "take the high road."

Here's what his blog says: 

For me that meant not fighting and trying to stay out of courts and stuff. At the time I really wanted to fight. But, I listened to Buzz and today Maryam and Charlotte are friendly to each other. My son is happy. Life is working out far better than I expected it to. Yeah, I have alimony payments that are nuts and I gave up a LOT that I probably would have won in court.

But I watch these two people on TV fighting over tupperware and stupid things and I realize just how valuable that advice was....

If you're going through a divorce, there's no better advice I could pass along than "take the high road." In fact, I think there's no better advice for life, is there Buzz?

Lastly, can I just say... Who handled his divorce?!  Sometimes I get jealous when I see that a nice juicy client fish has swimmed past me. Oh well. I'm still waiting for Bill or Melinda Gate's Divorce and one of them to call me.   Is that naughty to fantasize about the demise of someone's marriage?  I suppose there are people who have fantasized worse things about him. 

Best Divorce Site I've Seen

Well, leave this site immediately and go visit Divorce Diva.   This is a very fresh, very sassy, very well-linked divorce-focused website.  It's brilliant in capturing the cutting edge of divorce. 

Just like every other part of life, we're evolving (except those areas in which we are clearly not evolving).   Divorce does not have to be  a gun-slinging battle that drains 15% of the family net wealth off the top to pay for attorneys fees.  It can be rich and warm, a journey into the heart of financial responsibility, an impetus to get a career, a reminder that you love your kids and want to be home at night to see them. 

The Divorce Diva, while only recently blogging on the subject, is a worthwhile stop for support and education as you enter this divorcing time.  Visit her today.

By the way... Who is she?  The bio doesn't say.

PS... I'm not just saying this because she featured me.  It's my honest assessment.

Divorce TeleClass

Here is a class being offered by others.

Divorce is Hell: Is It True?

 

 

People should keep their promises… He lied to me… She’s a homewrecker… Divorce traumatizes children… I feel so guilty… Lawyers are a bunch of sharks… I need more money… I need a new relationship to be happy… I’ll never love anyone again…

 

Are you contemplating divorce? Going through it? Has a past experience of divorce left you bitter and disappointed? If so, join Grace Bell and Charlotte Price, facilitators of The Work of Byron Katie, for this 8-week teleclass. We’ll be using The Work to explore the above thoughts and more, navigating the chaotic waters of divorce to greater peace, love and truth. (To learn about The Work, please visit www.thework.it.)

 

Both Grace and Charlotte have used The Work extensively to make sense of their divorces and can tell you, it works. 

  

 

For those of you thinking, “But my ex isn't willing to work, let alone Work, on things,” we remind you that, just as “It only takes one to have a happy marriage” (BK), it only takes one to have a happy divorce. Your answers lie within you, as does your peace. You do your Work, and the rest will fall into place.

 

On the other hand, if you're worried that too much peace might mean getting taken to the cleaners, consider this: “You need your stressful thinking to get your needs met: is it true?”

 

In this class, you’ll have the opportunity to:

· Use The Work of Byron Katie to explore your stressful thoughts about divorce, and

begin to experience life without them

· Meet others going through your same experience

· Facilitate each other regularly between classes

· Post your frustrations and successes on our e-bulletin board, and ask for and receive

feedback, from us and each other

 

Ordinarily, the class fee is $220 (USD), but for an additional $75, you'll receive two hour-long facilitations, one with Grace and one with me, during the course of the eight weeks. That’s less than half of what those sessions would normally cost.

 

Day: Wednesday Dates: 28 February-25 April (no class 11 April) Time:

9:15-10:45 AM

Pacific;

6:15-7:45 PM

Western European Fee: $220 (regular class) / $295 (regular class + 2 private 1-hour facilitations)

 

For more information, visit: www.thework.it. Or email us your questions: charlotte.price@thework.it, gracebell@comcast.net.
 

 

 

Cheapest Legal Services I've Seen

Well, get this.  At Sign Here Docs you can get the paperwork for a contested divorce with children for $289.00.  Without children, the fee is only $189.  I wonder what comes for this price?  I wish I had $289 to spare to see the product. 

Does This Seem Fair?

Get this...

I have a case that settled. As part of the CR2A agreement  (a binding contract entered at mediation) if the two lawyers encountered problems drafting the final divorce papers, we were to send the issue back to the mediator for resolution through what's called binding arbitration. 

Last week, before I had received comments back from the other attorney about my proposed language changes, his office called to schedule the arbitration. The assistant asked about my availability the following Wednesday (tomorrow).  I said, "My client will have a new attorney for the arbitration. I can't give authority to schedule it on Wednesday.  Besides we haven't even fully exchanged positions." 

The response:  "I don't care. I'm going to set it anyway so we have something if needed."

Today I notified the other attorney 1) my client can't attend, she's working, 2) we're still negotiating. She only got the documents on Monday night and new proposals came in  today, 3) she already thinks the mediator is not fair to her.   We're canceling until she's ready."

He refused to accept my cancellation of the binding arbitration.  I wrote the mediator.  "Hey, we're not ready. We just got new proposed language on today. The issues aren't  fully discussed yet. How can we be in conflict, if we got new proposals just today?   Can you wait until we have a chance to brief you on the issue before you rule?  Besides,  this was all scheduled over my objection."

I'll let you know how it goes.   

For the record.  This type of  awfulness is what you get it you go to very well reputed attorneys.  It makes me ashamed to be an attorney.  If McDonald's cooked hamburgers with such efficiency, a Big Mac would cost $43.50. 

Looking for Divorcing Couples for Interior Make Over Show

I got a call today from an A&E television producer looking for couples to star in a  interior design make-over show.   Just like Trading Spaces and other interior decorating make-over shows, this will be about divorcing couples moving from one home to two homes. They'll pay for new furnishings, if you'll let them into your lives.  They'll film you and your spouse while they move your stuff and decorate your new places. 

Here is the information if you are interested in being on an episode of their show. If Survivor was too rigorous for you, Star Search too musically oriented, maybe this is the reality show for you. Here is the flyer the Producer sent me:

If you or someone you know is splitting up and moving out then consider this opportunity. “ Split"   is a new design show for couples on the rocks. We are looking for

Seattle couples to help move and decorate their new places. We are looking for people who will be moving in July or August, who have lived together for 5 years or longer, and who will have an empty apartment or home to move into about the same time. “Split" will help decorate, furnish and move this couple over a period of 6 days.

Contact: Anna Rodzinski
At  Screaming Flea Productions, Inc.

                                                    206-763-3383, ext 205
                                                       Cell: 206-660-4907
                                                     anna@sfpseattle.com

"Split” is a show that gives separating couples a fresh start. We want to help couples make the transition from married to single. Breaking up is hard to do and dividing your stuff makes it even harder. So - it’ll be up to our "Split"  designers to decide who gets what and to decorate their new places. It’s all about a new beginning.