Lawlady's Divorce Blog

Corporate Retooling Thanks to Nancy Soloman

I heard Nancy Soloman speak yesterday at Women Business Owner's monthly meeting. Tonight, I'm up at 3:35 excited about the next phase of Lawlady, Inc.  The firm was founded out of a very passionate place in spring 1998.  I was just learning about computers (I was a very late technological bloomer); finishing a heavy intensive with the Seattle New Age Healing Scene (although it has no official website, being more of a movement than an actual affiliation); and hot to find this new thing known as "authentic work."  I don't think that you can underestimate the power of the people who set out in the late 90s, leaving behind cushy work with benefits, to forage sustainable, healthy work opportunities for themselves.  I myself crafted a livelihood out of people's needs for legal services and the holistic principles I had enjoyed learning the years I studied astrology, attended therapy, and committed to a spiritual practice with a lovely and brilliant group of bright stars.  I wasn't the only one insisting that my practical, mundane work could absorb my after-work hobbies and interests. 

Work is just like a baked potato. It accommodates just about every type of interest and topping.  With the law, it easily sucked up the elements of love, compassion, and the positive impacts of healthy communication and dispute resolution processes.  My friends and peers were adding their particular sweet sauce to their boring day jobs.  Eight years later where are we?

I'm up at 3:30, excited with the next passionate version of Lawlady, Inc.   A version that's been sitting with me for quite a while, dormant, waiting for the right time.  Memorial Day Weekend seems like a wonderful time to start my summer projects.  So tune in to other blog entries to see where Lawlady Inc is headed Summer 06. 

But first, check out Nancy Soloman's site for inspiration, if you don't have any yet.  What is Summer 06 going to be about for you?  Nancy Soloman, as she explained in her keynote, was similar to me and my career generation-- she headed out in completely the wrong direction, based largely in part to some awful career and educational advice, of lackthereof, early on and then woke up one day saying, "This is my life?" She turned her life completely around and headed off into the west.  (She's from New York originally).   It's never to late to jump to the track you should have been on from the beginning. That's what summer 06 is about for Lawlady, Inc.  We're going to jump a track and take things to the next level, possibly where things should have been from the beginning. 

Astrology and Career

Here is a string of comments that happened between Curt Rosengren and I.  (Is it plagerism to lift this from his blog?!@!)

From me to CurtRosengren.typepad.com (a must-visit blog).

Curt- I really enjoyed this exercise. I tried it on my blog, Lawlady.typepad.com. The only thing is... I think I don't understand what a story is... Or, I wrote some freaky story with an ending that seems sort of morose. What is the moral or punch line to a typical or great career story?

His post/comment back: 

Hi Stefani. Fun to read that.

Re your question, I can only answer it - as I typically do - with another question. What would the moral or punch line to a great career story be for YOU? Because it truthfully doesn't matter what I think would be a great punch line, since I'm not the one living your life. What is it that YOU want it to look like?

Which brings me to my next thought. Your story doesn't sound like it's finished. It sounds like it has actually just reached the beginning.

Now is when it starts to get interesting.

  I responded with this email. He encouraged me to post this, swear words and all.

As the astrologer said, the top of your chart is your career house. After Saturn - the planet that kicks your butt into gear - finishes with your career, it moves on to kick you in the butt in your acquarian zones of influence, humanitarian concerns, places where you team up with others to pursue goals and values that have special meaning for you. Essentially, it's no longer about your career but doing what you
love that you feel is highly important, but the focus becomes more on personal fulfillment, not so much career advancement. Blah, blah, blah... I can see the wholistic career schtick coming right back at me. Isn't that just when your career gets interesting, right when you quit giving a fuck what anyone thinks and do it for love, for your own sanity. 

Career Perspective: Get Some Distance

eCurt Rosengren of CurtRosengren.typepad.com is one of my favorite career writers. He's a contributor to a fabulous career magazine:  Worthwhile.  Today he writes about the benefits of telling your career story as if you were discussing a third person.  In a nutshell, tell your story as if you were talking about someone else.

I'll do my own life as an example for you (and as an exercise is personal growth for me). 

The Lawlady's  8 year Career Adventure:  In 1997 the Lawlady (although she wasn't called that then) was finally fed enough, and despairing enough, to do something about her career malaise.  She quit her cushy, part-time insurance defense job with no new job in sight.  Rather than blow her $13,000 car accident settlement money on a trip to Indian to "find herself" she decided she would take a sabbatical from work and figure out her true career path.  She told herself each day when she would get scared, "I'll trust that if I am industrious every day applying my talents, skills and interests, the Universe will reward me and put me to work doing something people will pay for."  The same month that she quit without a new job, she also began an intense meditation practice. Essentially, she was going to make "finding God" a bigger priority during this time off of work.

Fast forward.  Lots of struggling and dark thoughts.  Why is it that periods of unemployment scare us so much?  The mediation classes helped her combat a dark, foul mood that lingered longer than it should have.  Sometimes along the 8 year journey, she would get buzzy insights about work and the way the law could be better; how to blend spirituality and law; and how to weave divorce ritual into the law.  Sometimes she was patently arrogant and missed making valuable connections that could lead her to better speaking gigs, or part-time trainings with more senior family law attorneys.  She clearly wasn't perfect, but she did enjoy a moonlighting stint as a romance columnist for a cheesy, local women's paper, and got to experiment with different modalities for doing divorce. Her work was mostly on the fringe of the mainstream divorce community, so she could explore and try new techniques, blending counseling styles learned during her mediation trainings and at the various self-help trainings she had attended in the past.

After a few false starts with different groups, she eventually found her niche with collaborative divorce. This wasn't a theory of divorce practice she developed herself, but it did have a well established base of practitioners in other states.  She paired with a better known local attorney and they grew Washington's first collaborative law practice up to about 65 paid members, training about 100 lawyers, mediators and allied professionals in the state. She presented for the WSBA and King County Bar Association on the topic, culminating in a year of busy speaking gigs including a presentation on Divorce Ritual to the International Alliance of Collaborative Practitioners.  Then suddenly at the end of the 7th year, she abruptly quit her co-presidency of the local Washington collaborative law group she had founded, and left to buy and renovate a Tudor House in the Roosevelt neighborhood, a few blocks from Whole Foods and East West Bookstore- natural business allies.  The decision to quit NW Collaborative Law (her collaborative law baby) and buy the new facility was a snap decision which is odd for someone who normally makes more thoughtful, meditative decisions. 

Or maybe is wasn't so snap.  Or maybe is wasn't so unusual. In retrospect, the decision to quit 8 years earlier without a job could be called snap. 

What was surprising is that the move to the new location didn't come with a sense of thrill and excitement, as she thought it would.  It was more challenging and difficult.  After the first frenzied year, she felt more disillusioned with the purchase. 

She consulted with an astrologer about the issue.  "You reached the pinnacle.  You set a goal for yourself and achieved it.  The firework display has happened.  Now its time to take your reputation and influence and take yourself down off the mountain top. It's your choice how you get down."

"Wow," she thought, "that's heavy." 

"Go do something you really want to do,"  were his parting words to her.

The Cost of Getting Better

Seth Godin writes about the natural growth cycle of a business or career. He talks about your "local" (or historic) max out point (where you comfortably earn what you can earn at the top level you've known to date) and then the later "big max" point that offers greater rewards ($$$), if only you can get through the dreaded dip that occurs before you do the large boost up to that big max point.   Basically, he quantifies on a chart the principle "you can't make money without spending money."   He talks about the fear that occurs as you move beyond your comfortable high earning point (he calls it your local point) to a higher vision only to find yourself in a plung downward first. 

He doesn't answer the question why we go through a natural dip as we strive to get bigger and better, faster and richer.  Is it that in order to dream and achieve larger visions for ourselves, we have to take our eye of the day-to-day and make time for new creation?  Do we need to devote resources away from making our regular money and put them into building more infrastructure.  He talks about fear rising up that keeps people where they are at.  For example, "I couldn't change jobs, that would be risky."    I'm stuck on this one. I wish this dip didn't occur as we aim higher.  For me personally, I recognize this trend.  I think of it as the investment you make for continued success.  How can you hope to stay no. 1 in your niche, if you refuse to reinvent yourself?  Reinvention takes time and money. It's the cost of staying no. 1. 

Business Hall of Fame

My personal band of heroes at the moment are:  Seth Godin  (for marketing), Keith Ferrazi  (for networking),  Julie Morgenstern  (for organizing), and  Dan Pink  (for  business trends).  It's hard to find them presenting. They are not frequently scheduled to speak at events open to the public.  I wish they were. I'd like to see each one in person. 

But you are lucky if you live on the East Coast.  Seth Godin has just announced that he will be presenting in November  in New Jersey for $99.00. Here are more details about the half-day event.     I'm sure the event will be worth it.  Go if you can. 

Dan Pink has his own spectacular offer.  He is in the process of  supplementing his book A Whole New Mind and is soliciting input for examples to include in his revised edition.  If you do something wise and right-brained in your work, you might want to share your techniques with Dan for inclusion in the next issue.  His book is already in its 7th printing and there is every indication that his trajectory will continue straight up, so this is an excellent opportunity for some free PR.  He's taking new ideas through October 31st.  Check out his site for details about submitting an idea. 

(Are you enjoying my frequent usage of links?  I do believe that providing them has doubled the time of doing a blog entry!  I hope I can shorte my linkage time.  And for those of you following my tech-dilemma-- I JUST figured out how to do trackback. I had to sign up for PLUS service, to use it.) 

In Life, We Must Make a Choice

I attended a workshop this week that presented the lesson:   You can author your life.  Are you willing to choose the life you are going to lead? 

My mind wanted to fight with the concept. 

• But really- after so many career choices, a person can't successfully transition into new work if there isn't a nest egg to fund such a transition.
• The old life is just about ready to bear fruit. Why give up the old life when the payoff is about to occur- just for the vision that there could be something much better.
• Yeah, you say all that about having anything you want, but then actually go try to have it all. Having it all takes as much energy as trying to have something pretty OK. You'll be working just about as hard.

I'm curious to meet someone who walked away from a life that was pretty good to author a life that is fabulous.  Were they able to do that without a gigantic nest egg saved up for a two-year career transition?  I know a passion search coach. She recommends a transition job that that pays your basic living expenses and leaves you time and energy to pursue your passion.  From what I can tell, the people who go on a life/career/passion adventure face very real issues:  worry about money; conflicts with unsupportive spouses;  depression or other hidden psychological issues formerly covered by work stress; and fear of failure or fear of success as they head into more authentic work.

All in all, the path seems hard and unlikely to pay off.  I'm curious to hear from people who have gone from alright to fabulous. I can appreciate the life path of people who go from miserable to good.  That one seems obvious:  why stay in the same place in life if it sucks? The other one is not so clear. Why give up something good for something great, if the journey to get there sucks?  Does the journey from good to great have to suck?

I'd like to hear from readers on the subject.  Now here is the funny joke... all four of you out there consistently reading my blog are hardly a crowd of readers...  It's sort of amusing to strike up a feisty conversation when you are an unheard-of blogger... I guess that is what my personal good to great story would be about.  For me, being a well-respected speaker/teacher/blogger/writer/book author would be to make the jump from good to great.   But the law is good. That's my dilemma.  How could things get any better than they are now?  I genuinely enjoy my work.  It's good.  Please readers, help me out.

Would you be willing to leave good to get to great, if that meant giving up something good?

A new way of calendering

Here is a career/ life tip.  What would happen in your life if you listed events in your calendar as achievements, rather than to-do items?  So instead of saying you have a marketing meeting at 2:00, you said instead Completed the brochure and  approved the  Q-4 budget,  stated in the past tense as if you had already achieved the results. Would the visioning required to put the language into past tense make it more real for you?  Would you be more motivated and focused at the meeting knowing it was to complete the brochure and approve the budget, rather than the softer language of marketing meeting?

What would you feel like if you could sit down and read your calendar and see a series of accomplishments, rather than an onerous never ending list of tasks to complete?  Could that uplift your spirits to action and enthusiasm? 

I get tired of my never ending list of to-do items.  It gets defeating sometimes.  We'll never finish our to-do list. It's like waves on an ocean. We can anticipate more and more. 

Callings vs. Career

I've heard the word "calling" more recently as I circulate around the world of career writers.   Is a calling more than a vocation?  More than a career?  We know it's more than a job.  But how are these words different and why does it matter?

For some reason, I signed on for a career. I could never just do a job. I hated the experience.  Even when the work was easy and the job paid relatively well.  I resented having to chain myself to a desk, or be captive in a small work environment watching the minutes of the clock tick by, with the biggest highlight of the day being the arrival of the  snack van at 10 and 2.  I later resented work that wasn't meaningful to me, but yet ate up the bulk of each week.  It was important for me to be expressing my talents, skills and interests in the work world.  So I went out and did the career things- offering services in the stream of commerce  suitable to my talents, skills and interests. 

But lately, I returned again to revisit the question of just what should I be doing.  This  rises as I consider the opportunity of franchising Lawlady Law Offices to other cities in America.  From what I've been told, the franchising process is a big job.  Is that where I want to go with things?  This time around, being older and wiser, I realized that whatever I do next will have some component of "job" involved (careers feel like a job much of the time!);  the thrill of a "career" as if  on an adventure;  and also, this time, a  call.  Is there something out there that needs my attention? Is something or someone calling me to action? 

Callings are different from careers.  In a career, we strive to find something that is needed, that suits us, that feels good to do. It's about me.  What I want. What I have to offer.  What works best for me.  Me. Me. Me.  My intentions about what is best for my family- in context of the community.  What are my needs and how do I satisfy them.  Calling is different.

It's more like the hurricane volunteer worker, who simply knew it was the right thing to do.  Callings don't happen all the time.  We may never be called. It's rather like being on the revervist list of life.  Life may need your services, it may not.  All you can do is register and wait.  Someday you'll be the right person, for the right job, and you will be called.  When you are called, you aren't so concerned if the job/work/task you are called to do pays well, fits your overall life agenda, or even recognizes you with other perks or opportunities. You get clarity instead. Clarity of purpose.  A sense of "I know what I must do."  That is an amazing moment to live for. 

How many people live with clarity of purpose?  Do you?

Friday

What is your reaction to Friday?  To Monday? Sunday afternoon?  Isn't it funny how we associate different days of the week with different feelings? I remember a time in my life,  years ago, when Sundays were characterized by an encroaching sense of doom that would set in sometimes as early as noon Sunday, if it was a slow weekend, and by 5:00 p.m. if I was particularly busy and distracted. 

If Sundays brings you a feeling of dread, possibly you are in the wrong profession--- not just the wrong job. 

Life gives us other clues about whether we are on track or not.  If you haven't made money in your chosen profession  within three or four years --- I mean good money, money that satisfies you and leaves you with a sense of contentment--- your work recipe may be wrong. You might not be wildy off, just a bit off.  Take for example, the musician who hasn't made it in four-years.  He may be better suited to "making music" in a different context.  Say for example, joining a company where he choreographs amazing beauty from the instruments at hand-- human instruments.  Being a musician can be expressed in more ways than just the literal form of music.  He could be a conductor in human resources.

This might sound harsh to cut someone off from his or her dreams, but its not meant to be.  If you are not experiencing great success in your chosen profession by about the 3, 4, or 5 year mark, I'd bet money that you haven't found your absolute, absolute niche.  Something isn't 100% right with the fit.  The best fit should be lucrative-- at whatever level suits you.  The exact dollar amount that it takes to give you a sense of contentment and satisfaction at your work verys for everyone. 

Here is an example of feeling "amply rewarded" on $28,000 a year.   In this case, the professional- a therapist- had been working over a decade and was earning $28,000.  But this good therapist says, "I have the best job. I get paid to do exactly what I love and I have plenty of time to pursue what I love outside of work.  I make a difference and they money works for me.  I don't need a fancy lifestyle."  For him, the fact he doesn't have more clients isn't of severe concern.  Sure, there are some weeks where he sweats when the new client calls are down, but when that happens, he plans a new class, sends out a coupon flyer, or meets up with other business people to connect and share the travails of self-employment.  His work/life is good. 

Are you sure you aren't 10% to 20% off-target in your work combo, or possibly in the wrong job altogether?    Just as they say with marriage, you just know when it's right.  Do you know you're in the right work situation?   If not, what's holding you back from getting there?

So Many Options

I feel that I went underground for several years. In my early thirties, I was doing the Seattle Therapy Scene and working part-time.  Following a serious breakup, I felt blue and didn't have any urge to do much more than read a book afterwork, or go to a movie on Sunday.   I found it difficult to find anything that gripped me.  When you are in that low-key lifestyle, things move at a slow pace.  Mornings for me often meant having to get to work by 10:00.   Time seems vast when you have several large blocks of unstructured time each week. 

I compare those lazy (and albeit boring) days to what I encounter now. I can't fit in all the things I love to do in a week. I am always negotiating with myself around scheduling.  Sleep in. No. Get to the gym. No. Get to work early and catch up with email.  No. Write and finish that book you've promised everyone.  Everyday many things go unattended.  I realize I'm no different that many other people who are striving to make things happen in the world.

The more you wish to make an impact professionally, the more you are going to get squished. The more committments you make for yourself outside of work, the tighter your life needs to function.  The speed of time seems to pick up momentum.  It feels like you are  runny rather than strolling through life. 

Do you like living at a fast tempo?  I'll say this:  a fast pace gives life a feeling of excitement, adventure, or passion.  If you throttle back, you get life that feels languid, inert, heavy or dull.  The trick it seems to me is to have both aspects counterbalancing one another.  Can you feel laden with task-free time, and also revive with some brisk, high focus time?  The risk of each extreme is that you may stay their too long.  Ever watched too much tv and felt sick about yourself the next day?  Ever worked so much you couldn't shut off the mental motor at midnight?

I'm convinced this dichotomy is a yin-yan tradeoff.  Neither is completely useful without the nuturing and reviving quality of the other.

Today I've had my high octane yang push. Unfortunately, I don't get to end the day there. I have another segment of my work day to go.  How I balance these two is to try to downshift and to do the night shift at my desk in a different mode-- something slow and peaceful, like a matronly librarian sifting through check-out cards.  Remember check out cards?  Something nice and slow, in a setting that's nice and slow.  Work doesn't always have to be up-tempo. 

I've heard someone say that "slow and steady" is the new fast.  That multi-tasking causes brain loss.  Mind workers need to preserve our mental health with a parade of tasks done kindly, not to a  fevered pitch.  We need to retrain our brains to think slow, thorough and gently. It can be done.