The Poor Person Prenup

If you don't have the money for a legal consult about a  prenuptial agreement, one thing you can do is to draft your own written and witnessed agreement.  Here are two things that at a minimum you can agree upon.  There are other things as well, but these are simple and you can do yourselves without an attorney. 

     1)  The emergency plan if things go poorly.  For example, "we agree we will go to counseling for at least eight sessions if things begin to head south, before either of us has decided to divorce."  Early intervention is the best prevention of divorce. Although this isn't exactly enforceable in a court of law, if a person has agreed to something in advance it increases the odds the person will act in accordance with his or her earlier agreement.   

    2.)  An agreement to use an amicable process, if divorce become inevitable, unless there are emergency or safety issues at stake. I recommend that you use the collaborative divorce process (a team approach with an agreement not to use the courts) or mediation.  Both of these methods are less threatening and support an friendlier resolution. 

It's important to discuss the "what ifs" before you marry.  Pretending that divorce won't happen to you is like avoiding self-breast exams because you don't think you are a likely candidate for cancer. It's a good habit to follow, even if your risks are very low.   

How you divorce is one of the most important joint decisions you will make in ending your marriage.  That's why it is  important to decide the process you will use before you begin negotiating.  The process is what will see you through the difficult times during the divorce when tensions flair and communication fails.