Lawlady's Divorce Blog

I got a Crush

I got a crush on a senior Gestalt astrologer at the astrology conference.  She sparkled with what I perceived as light, depth, wisdom, levity.  I wanted to spend all of my free time talking with her.  It's been so long that  I've had this feeling, I almost want to say this is the first time I've felt it. 

I was clear from the beginning of hearing her speak, meeting her and having her give me advice about my chart, I want to study with her in the future.  I don't remember wanting to have a research mentor before.  I found myself wanting to embark on a long-term study of the divorce using astrological indicators because of her presence and beingness.  Mostly, I find myself wanting to get close to her source of wisdom.  I smile as I think of  sharing space with someone who is intellectually and relationally further along the continuum than I am.  In the past,  I've known I was going to study or learn from someone before we started.  This was something different.  Enchantment might be a good word.  She enchanted me.  It's been a while since I've felt that particular sweetness of energy move about in my life. 

Thomas Moore, the Care of the Soul Thomas Moore, is an avid fan of enchantment, which he characterizes as allowing the dream world to move in slowly and make subtle, angelic, gentle changes about our lives.  Not the forced fast change of will power, goal lists, regimens, coaches.  Our heart is tickled and thus we move.  We aren't shoved.   

I'm tickled into wanting to start something large and different, a marriage, a Master's Degree, a serious astrological study, a place of my own at the beach.  She enchanted the romantic and intellectual parts of me. 

Who is enchanting you recently?  We move best when we move in and to the enchantment of another.  For isn't relationship what is best about living?

My Dog Queen is asking for attention.  Blessings tomorrow at the day of Memorials.  I'll be hosting the ground breaking for the public divorce space.  Please join me in creating art devoted to break up and divorce. Noon to Five.    

Purpose, Passion, Medicine-- They Mean the Same Thing

I've had a busy past three days.  Here is where I've been:

Thursday AM:  Networking Event to hear sassy 51 year old Nancy Soloman do her schtick about leaving the fashion industry from it's heights to recreate herself in the west with authentic work.   What you would have noticed had you been there is:  Bad career moves make for funny breakfast keynotes.  Business people at full-throttle pack a lot of voomf.   We were inspired to be courageous -- to be willing to be on purpose in your life.  To give ourselves permission to be great.  To be a leader-- taking our purpose and making a difference. Nancy gave us a take-home handout to answer the question:  What is my purpose. That event ended with Mary Oliver poem No. 1. 

Friday AM:  Rainier Club, 110+ years serving the better half (dare I say, top 10% of Seattle) for a breakfast meeting of woman where I was served the very best egg-thing I have ever eaten. It was a type of quiche with a layer that I think might have been ground truffles with a light swirling around the sides of roasted red pepper coulis.  The club is expensive ($1,800 to join, $180/month membership dues, and then payment for the events you actually attend, plus parking).  I'm a provisional (free) member for two months while I check it out.  I thought to myself as I ate 5 bites of this heaven-breakfast (who needs more bites of perfection), you could join simply to make sure that you eat exquisite food (and I mean EXQUISITE) regularly.  This is the same reasoning that TimeShare outfits use to get you to join.   As we ate, we answered posed question about passion and profession, and how have we mixed the two.   We ended our under-stated, stately breakfast in the room with muted tones with the second Mary Oliver poem:  When Death Comes... "When it is over, I want to say, all my life I as a bride.... and a bridegroom.... I don't want to have simply visited the world....."

Friday afternoon and today Saturday:  I hit the Norwac (Northwest Astrological Association Conference), 24th annual event.  Coming from the other two events, the crowd seemed like a group of middle-aged group of gamers (having never seen a room of middle-aged gamers, I'm guessing).  Brighter colors than you typically see.  Frumpier silloettes. In fact, by and large, a fairly overweight crowd compared to the other places I've been this week.  Some would same, a down-right weird looking bunch of people.  Sort of scary if the two other venues I've described are more your type of function.  But boy, today's speach by Sheila Belange shook the room.  Her message:  Jupiter's in Scorpio, Saturn's in Leo, Neptune's in Acquarius, so get over your wounds of belonging, the tribe needs your particular medicine; build what you love; show up and say what needs to be said; dive deep in your quest to know.  We ended with Mary Oliver poem no. 3. 

These represent three radically different slices of Seattle and they all spouted the same message.  Get down with the business of doing what you love, do it boldy, the world can't wait anymore. We need everyone to contribute their part.  It will take all of our expressed diversity to solve the pickle we've gotten this world into.  You matter. You doing and being what you love matters.   

Slamming into Mary Oliver

Do you know Mary Oliver?  In the span of three days, I've heard three different speakers at three different events quote three different Mary Oliver poems. I didn't even know this person existed before Thursday.  The three poems I've heard were profound and lovely.  I recommend you read her.

Being the slightly-compulsive shopper that I am, I rushed out tonight to buy some Mary Oliver.  Get this:  she's won a Pulitzer Prize for Poetry.  I guess I'm not hiding my ignorance here on this blog.   She had almost an entire shelf at Borders. When your poetry volumes are miniscule, that's a lot of books.  At the risk of offending Mary with some copyright infringements, here's her poem The Journey.  I'm displaying it here as educational material, as I do consider this blog as Stefani's Classroom.  I believe educational purposes are a basis for self-defense in a copyright trial.

            The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

through the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice---

though the whole house began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations---

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

but little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice,

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do---

determined to save

the only life you could save.

Cyber Stalkers, Cyber Friends

Here is an ethics question for you?  Or, maybe it's etiquette. 

Should a person read another person's blog, if that reader has a queasy feeling that the blog writer would not want the reader to be visiting the blog?  If the reader asks himself or herself, "I wonder what that person is up to, he or she never shares any information with me?", is that a sign to the reader that it is not socially appropriate to be visiting that person's blog.  Or, is the convention that when you create a public space, you must create it for everyone, even if this ruins the vibe in the community you are trying to create. 

I think this must have been addressed somewhere on the world wide web. My guess is that this is the type of subject debated by bloggers at their meetings such as those scheduled via MeetUp.com.  I've skipped the past year's worth of meetings, but I still get their meeting notices. 

This concept of Cyber Stalkers has me thinking about the US Government and Blog Monitoring.  As we strive to make more rich and meaningful public venues, safe and therefore nurturing of growing intimacy in a world starved for actual close connection, how can we be both inclusive and also exclusive for the benefit of the group?  Is that how come yahoo chat groups were formed?  Is the government monitoring everyone's Yahoo chat groups?  Is this stifling your group intimacy or your sense of safety?

It's odd having missed the tec revolution. I don't understand the concepts behind basic software and web innovations.  Who explains this well on the web?   I would link here to relevant experts on the subject, but I don't know anyone. I'm asking questions outside my area of expertise. 

Can you point me in the right direction?

Invitation to Monday's Divorce and Break Up Garden Building Party

Memorial Day Party: Honoring Dead Relationships (853 NE 68Th Street)

---

I don't even know how to begin. I'll start at the beginning. I bought this Tudor house at 68Th and Roosevelt last year with the vision that it would house my law firm Law lady Inc (we do divorce) and that I would eventually convert the backyard into a Sanctuary devoted to Break Up and Divorce. I thought it would be a public garden (closed whenever I needed it to be for privacy of my tenant who rents from me) open to those people hurting from a divorce or serious break up. I wanted to offer a safe zone where my clients or other people could publicly experience their transition. Along the way, I realized there are all types of liability issues with being open to the public and when I learned that needles were found in my Roosevelt Neighborhood, I thought "Oh dear... this public space is a bad idea." But a year later, I still come around to the idea, the world needs an alter or sanctuary devoted to the passing of relationships-- even a very small, private one. Memorial Day seems like a great day to break ground on the project. So, this is what I offer the world: I'm going to be hosting an art day-- I provide the art supplies, and the gardening tools. We're going to create a public ritual around divorce and breaking up this coming Monday Memorial Day. You are invited to come from noon to 5, to paint a mural about divorce, do a private art piece, write something, play a guitar, or plant a plant-- whatever you would feel is important to include in the inaugural (spelling?) day of the world's first divorce ritual garden. I look forward to meeting new friends. Lawlady Welcomes you. Please be clean, legal, honest, kind, generous, healthy etc....

**This was my Craig's List Party Invite. You are Welcome to Attend

Referral Partner Culling

I am in the process of rewriting my recommendation list.  This list is known as the Green Sheet around the office, although I believe it's been a while since it was actually printed on green paper.  It's my list of preferred providers and I pass it along to clients and colleges to make referrals to the network of professionals I think are shining gems.  I'm scouting the horizon to find new professionals to admire and promote.  I think it's important to cull your list of preferred providers every once in a while.  Who best supports your customer or client now?  Your business has changed; your referrals need to change to. 

Up Against Life

I'm on writer's week. It started officially yesterday morning, but I couldn't get out of the office in time.  I spent the day decluttering my desk.  Tonight came the bomb that the Fireman's father's health has deteriorated and it looks like the cancer will be downhill from here.  He doesn't want to talk about it (meaning the Fireman).  His dad's dying and he wanted to organize and pay his bills instead. 

If you live long enough with someone you are going to travel through new and foreign experiences with that person.  You'll both be new people and likely won't have the typical sign posts to let you know how to navigate this passing.  You have to learn what the other person needs from you now. It's different than what was needed before.

It reminds me of a difficult collaborative case I'm working on this week.  We are to the phase where I am convinced -as one of the attorneys-  I no longer have any tools left to ofter the clients.  I've run out or cures and options.  From here on out, the clients are flying the divorce plane solo. Whether they crash and burn in litigation hell rests entirely upon them. The lawyers can't save them from themselves. 

This is just about the time that the collaborative magic happens.  It's the nasty point of negotiation deadlock.  Nobody is moving forward on this bus until someone makes a concession to get the bus back into motion.  The next week will be waiting for someone or something to give.  It's an awkward time.   Uncomfortable for all of us involved.  Waiting for the solution:  how to act next?   If this collaborative case goes like other successful collaborative cases, the clients themselves will come up with a solution that will work. If they don't, they may be opting to spend their children's college fund money to get divorced.  $20K is what they've saved for their son's college, and that's about the cost of their litigation bill if this process fails.  They are up against it. 

So are the Fireman and I.  We all have to come to a new way of being.    

Corporate Retooling Thanks to Nancy Soloman

I heard Nancy Soloman speak yesterday at Women Business Owner's monthly meeting. Tonight, I'm up at 3:35 excited about the next phase of Lawlady, Inc.  The firm was founded out of a very passionate place in spring 1998.  I was just learning about computers (I was a very late technological bloomer); finishing a heavy intensive with the Seattle New Age Healing Scene (although it has no official website, being more of a movement than an actual affiliation); and hot to find this new thing known as "authentic work."  I don't think that you can underestimate the power of the people who set out in the late 90s, leaving behind cushy work with benefits, to forage sustainable, healthy work opportunities for themselves.  I myself crafted a livelihood out of people's needs for legal services and the holistic principles I had enjoyed learning the years I studied astrology, attended therapy, and committed to a spiritual practice with a lovely and brilliant group of bright stars.  I wasn't the only one insisting that my practical, mundane work could absorb my after-work hobbies and interests. 

Work is just like a baked potato. It accommodates just about every type of interest and topping.  With the law, it easily sucked up the elements of love, compassion, and the positive impacts of healthy communication and dispute resolution processes.  My friends and peers were adding their particular sweet sauce to their boring day jobs.  Eight years later where are we?

I'm up at 3:30, excited with the next passionate version of Lawlady, Inc.   A version that's been sitting with me for quite a while, dormant, waiting for the right time.  Memorial Day Weekend seems like a wonderful time to start my summer projects.  So tune in to other blog entries to see where Lawlady Inc is headed Summer 06. 

But first, check out Nancy Soloman's site for inspiration, if you don't have any yet.  What is Summer 06 going to be about for you?  Nancy Soloman, as she explained in her keynote, was similar to me and my career generation-- she headed out in completely the wrong direction, based largely in part to some awful career and educational advice, of lackthereof, early on and then woke up one day saying, "This is my life?" She turned her life completely around and headed off into the west.  (She's from New York originally).   It's never to late to jump to the track you should have been on from the beginning. That's what summer 06 is about for Lawlady, Inc.  We're going to jump a track and take things to the next level, possibly where things should have been from the beginning. 

Ritual Space Dedicated to Divorce

The Lawlady house was a buzz today with many clients and a mediation. For the second day in a row, we needed to use the kitchen space of the office.  You have to understand- this is the room that serves as my personal junk room when I don't know what to do with an object.  It's also the room that, up to this point, was off limits to clients so I didn't mind if dishes stacked up and the recycling waited patiently to be taken out.  Today at least three clients exited out the back. 

The good news is I was inspired to think about planning a renovation for the back of the office and yard.  Last year after getting the front of the office and yard into suitable shape, I burned out and couldn't imagine investing any more time.  It seemed I had over-prepared the facility.  Today was the first time this year that I was struck with a desire to take the building to a higher aesthetic level.  I was reminded of the vision I had for this Tudor at 68th and Roosevelt at the time I bought it. 

I distinctly remember, October 2004, the weekend I signed the paperwork to buy this location.  I was in Boston speaking at the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals about divorce ritual.   I generally don't like to give canned speeches or to talk about subjects that are not relevant and fresh for me.  As I spoke about divorce ritual to a crowd of highly evolved lawyer souls who were already weaving tender types of ceremony into their practice,  I thought to myself... "How can I hold myself out to be a leader on the subject of divorce ritual."   In a flash, I imagined turning the back yard of this office into the first  public ritual  space dedicated to healing the pain of broken relationships. I wanted to create a garden honoring break up and divorce.  A place for clients to sit and witness the passing of their relationship before starting their legal session with me. 

Today was the first day in a while that this dream rekindled.  I think that is the power of visions. Simple scenes that we carry.  They catch us off guard and urge us forward to a warm welcoming. Today it seemed entirely possible to build this public alter to transformation and rebirth.  In the very real moment, I was at least inspired enough to call the Millionaire Club and get someone out for tomorrow to weed! 

Is the public ready for a Ritual Space Dedicated to Divorce?

Creativity Recommendation

I've been trying to cut down on impulse spending.  Through the help of my Vistage CEO support group, I've come to realize the error of my wicked spending ways.  (They make you show your financials and explain your buying choices to the group.)

But last night at East West Bookstore, I couldn't help myself and indulged by buying Danny Gregory's very amazing and awfully cute booked The Creative License.  Check him out at DannyGregory.com .  He's inspiring in his claim that humans need to be creative. It's in our DNA, and  if you don't get regular creative fixes, whether that's through cooking, crocheting, or making one mean-ass garden, you are dying.  Just closing up and drying out.  He is a reformed non-creative who now makes written books out of his journal entries.  If you are tired of the melodrama and seriousness of Julia Cameron and Natalie Goldberg, you might find Danny Gregory a friendly and refreshing creative spark.  He explained why I'm always redecorating.  It's creativity finding an outlet.  The next question is:  Is this the best outlet?