Emotional Indulgence

Last night at meditation class, a few of us were talking about the "therapy" movement in the United States.  You know the therapy movement don't you?  The movement that makes it ok to have an emotional outburst and then stay entranced in your emotional drama recalitrant to move out of your mood. 

I encountered one of these baby fits on Sunday night.   A person I was with burst into upset, and I watched as he moved into a feeling of rejection.  I offered him the  new perspective that I hadn't rejected him; that I was, in fact, offering many good things, but he preferred to move into the old and familiar place.   The evening was over.  The rejection pain was too large and he had to leave.  (I suspect he went home and spent the evening exploring his familar back yard of unloveability).   

This happens frequently with divorcing clients.  Couples will play their scripted parts, unaware that other roles are allowed and encouraged in the play of life. 

Therapy is good for deep grief work, but where my meditation group and I differ is when therapy allows people to embody their pain without pushing people forward and onward to live more healthy.  It's scary to challenge the therapy world.  "But what about all the damaged people who don't address their issues;  who need deep, inner grief work; who are legitimately paining but can't find solace; all those people who are about to kill themselves or keel over by crushing depression, anxiety or some other social disorder?"

Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Therapist, all of that is true.  And yes, your work is highly valuable and much needed in this unloving, undernourished society where we live.  But your work is not the end of the line, and too often immature, big babies get stuck in infantile worlds (like my buddy Sunday night), and refuse to process emotions and move on to bigger lives.  Allowing them an incubator from which to avoid adult responsibility for several years on end is NOT helpful. 

The goal of therapy is to grow up.  Are we growing in our pity pool of pain, or merely indulging in socially acceptable agony?